ATTICS


TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

I regret to inform you that you have been named as a possible cyber-sexual partner of someone was tested positive for the ATTICS (Affliction Transmitted Through Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would benefit you to be tested and/or treated for this disease. ATTICS is highly contagious and can be spread by a simple "screw you" or "muuuuaaaahhhhh". It appears tbe predominant in WebTV users but has been detected in the PC community.

Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter! ATTICS is a mainly psychological disorder but can fester into physical ailments if not treated. You will be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any of these contact this office and forward this notice tall your cyber-sexual contacts!

The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these symptoms may be immediate or may remain undetected for years. PLEASE do not ignore these warning signs!!!!!

Keyboard Courage
The threatening of another chatter for no logical reason.

WooHoo
The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooootanything that may be deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of overactive woohoormones).

Holiday Inn-hibition
The need ttake someone to a private room.

PTPUD (Post Traumatic Pop Up Disorder)
Heavy reliance on popups.

Horizontal Retinal Scan
Inability tread anything that doesn't scroll up.

Loss of Fingernails
'Nuff Said.

Bedpan Complex
Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste.

Cyber Tourettes Syndrome
The random shouting of obscenities every time the phone rings.

Red Eye
Elimination of any whites from the eye.

Virtual Speed
The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry, go pee, and put in a video, before your last comment leaves the screen.

Sleep Apathy
Going without sleep tchat.

Cyber Anorexia
Going without food tchat.

Symbolic Dyslexia
The use of initials instead of words ie.: LMAO=LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.

NIC Identity Crisis
The adoption of a nic as a second name.

If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free to contact me.

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME,

Dr. Ree Pete O'Fender
Internet Board of Disease Control

Submitted by: goat
Category: Computers and Technology
Current Rating: 4.0000
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious