Why Women arre happier

WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
WHY WOMEN ARE JUST HAPPIER-ER PEOPLE.

Your last name stays put.
But you have to stick with boring first names like 'Dave' and Kevin'.

The garage is all yours.
So you can fill it with rubbish and park the car on the drive instead.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
And you get to pay through the nose for 'pew-bows' and other items that you will never understand like 'favours'.

Chocolate is just another snack.
You can't appreciate and enjoy Godiva chocolates - preferring to wolf down a 'Yorkie Bar' (manufacturers selling point - 'its not for girls' - guess why - it tastes crap but men don't know the difference).

You can be president.
Only if your dad was and he got you all the jobs you ever had.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Why would you want to wear a white t-shirt: to show off your beer belly?

You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Only cause there's nothing of interest under it.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
That’s what you think! Ha ha ha.

The world is your urinal.
And??

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just,too icky.
Uh?

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You just pretend that the one essential screw is inexplicably missing from the flat pack furniture because you're embarrassed it took you 4 hours to set it up, instead of the '20 minutes' mentioned on the packaging.

Same work, more pay.
So you AND your wife have to work really hard to pay for the childcare for while you both work hard to pay for the childcare for while... You get he idea...

Wrinkles add character.
Character being a euphemism for 'ugly' - as seen in comments such as 'he's got character' and 'character actor'.

Gray hair is considered distinguished.
But receding hair is not, and blondes have more fun, as do brunettes, redheads.....

Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
I don't know anyone who paid that much - maybe you should take more notice of the wedding plans - see above.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
You obviously don't have a six-pack.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
No comment.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
But you don't get to wear sandals to work in the summer.

One mood, ALL the time.
Yeah – morose.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Unless the subject of football, girls, cars, money, etc etc comes up.

You know stuff about tanks.
Which makes you happy in what way?

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Have you never heard of a 'capsule wardrobe'? Vogue had one suitcase sewn up in the 1950s - it just requires a whole new matching wardrobe made of crease-free silk jersey - shame.

You can open all your own jars.
But you can't sew a button on.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Because no-one expected you to think at all.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Unless he punches you ‘cause you spoke to his girlfriend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
But you don't get to wear anything coloured, or made of anything but boring old cotton. Also, you have to wear 'jock-straps' sometimes, which thankfully most women have never even seen (lets keep it that way shall we?).

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
If you want to suffocate everyone within a mile with the smell.

You almost never have strap problems in public.
Unless you have to wear a hernia brace.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Unless you're one of those men that irons their underpants.

Everything on your face stays its original color.
You mean brown teeth and grey eye-bags?

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
But you have to get it cut every few weeks.

You only have to shave your face and neck.
But you have to do it every day - or everyone knows how slack you are.

You can play with toys all your life.
So long as they're not Barbie or 'Mr Potato Head'.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.
But do your big hips hide your 'man-breasts'?

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
But nowhere to put it except in the back pocket for everyone to steal.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
But you must wear well-fitting y-fronts with them to avoid the 'peek-a-boo' effect (yes you DO know what I mean).

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
But you can't wear purple nail polish unless you are David Beckham.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Listen, only Salvador Dali and the builder from the Village People get away with moustaches in 2004.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45minutes.
But you only get socks or novelty books for Christmas

No wonder men are happier!
No wonder women are happier!

Submitted by: anon
Category: Essays and Articles
Current Rating: 1.9375
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious