An Executive Buys a Mercedes Benz

A highly successful young executive received a promotion and decided to reward himself with a new car.

When the dignified, dapper and impeccably groomed businessman arrived at the Mercedes Benz showroom, the salesman looked at his expensive suit and shoes and suggested the Executive Model.

“Yes, I like it” said the executive, after looking it over. “I’ll take it today. I have a business conference in another state. I have just been made director of finance.”

“But sir!” said the salesman. “We can give you so many accessories and extra options! I’m sure it is worth waiting a few days. I CANNOT sell it to you without all of the fine....”

“No, no” said the executive quickly. “I like the car as simple as possible. Nothing extra. NOTHING! And PLEASE do not argue with me!”

“Very well, sir” said the salesman, but he shook his head and sighed.

The executive drove out of the showroom and soon he was on the interstate.

He was enjoying the luxury of his new car, when, out of nowhere, he heard a voice – a mocking voice – but he was ALONE in the car!

"Are those Brooks Brothers shoes you’re wearing, pal?”

"Who said that?” the executive nearly hit the roof with surprise.

“I asked you a question…. I’ll bet those shoes put you back a good five hundred bucks, huh? And are those SILK socks? Mighty fancy, mister high and mighty executive! A little TOO fancy for me!”

“They cost seven hundred – and yes they’re Brooks Brothers and yes these socks are silk. What am I DOING?! Am I losing my MIND?!” said the executive.

“Well get rid of ‘em - NOW. There no place for shoes and socks like those in HERE! You sure think you're special, don't you?!” said the voice.

“Who ARE you?” said the executive again.

“Mind your business. Get barefoot!” said the voice, growing in strength.

“I will NOT!” snapped the executive angrily. “Leave me alone! I…I AM going insane…”

But the voice kept up the harangue for an hour, yelling and mocking so that the executive could hardly think or drive. He found himself in a losing battle...

“I am an executive. I am wearing a business suit! I am on my way to a conference…I HAVE to wear these shoes!” he cried, but the voice mocked and yelled, demanding that he get down off his high horse.

Finally, after an hour, the exhausted executive yelled: “FINE! You want me to go barefoot? Anything to SHUT YOU UP!”

And he untied and pulled off his polished black captoe shoes that he had bought that week and had shined that morning, and then peeled off his silk socks. Without slowing down, he stuffed the socks in the shiny, expensive shoes and threw them out the window on the highway.

"That's $750 that just went out the window! Are you satisfied?!" yelled the executive.

As he rested his bare foot on the accelerator, the voice said:

“Is that a Hermes tie? Or is it Armani?"

"Oh no!!" whispered the executive. "Not again...Not my TIE!"

"Well?" snarled the voice. "No fancy silk neckties in THIS car! And are those cufflinks?! With a monogram! And a Rolex?! I think NOT!” The harangue began again.

An hour later, the window opened, and one by one, the desperate and bewildered executive threw out his $150 tie and the matching pocket square, his monogrammed cufflinks, his braces, his Rolex and his tiepin.

“And is that a cashmere overcoat in the back seat? With a silk scarf? And what about the briefcase and phone?!”

“No! No!” cried the executive. “Why are you doing this to me?! Let me alone!” But soon, the overcoat, scarf, and briefcase were thrown out the window.

For a moment there was silence - then:

“Now for that nice, fancy, dapper pinstriped business SUIT you’ve got on!" said the voice.

“Oh, no” gasped the executive. “Not my SUIT! This was made for me in London by Savile Row! It cost $2,500!!”

“Well, and who do you think YOU are?!” said the voice in disgust. “That smart suit has to GO! No suits in this car. Period. Never. And that white shirt. Is it starched. And the underwear – desiger shorts I’ll bet! Everything has to go! Lose those spiffy PINSTRIPES!! NOW, Mister Hotshot!”

The harangue went on as the executive begged. Finally, he saw a barefoot derelict along the highway. He pulled over and called out to him: “Will you swap my suit and shirt for your clothes.”

Within minutes the shaking and frightened executive was wearing the rags of a bum.

"OK!" said the voice. "Quit that high-paying, high-class job and sell your condo and your stocks...and no arguments!"

"Quit my job! I just got a PROMOTION! Please!"

Bu the voice continued with its demands. The executive, now a broken man, barely kept his hands on the wheel as the voice yelled and bullied him to come down off his high horse. He called his office and told his stunned boss he was quitting. Then he sold all of his assets and gave the money away.

"Fine!" snapped the voice. "Hey! There's a help wanted sign! Get yourself a job as a garbageman, and make it snappy!"

A garbageman! Me..." Exhausted, disoriented and stunned, the executive took a job as a garbageman.

Six months later, the former exec arrived to pick up the garbage at the Mercedes showroom. The salesman did not look surprised when he saw the formerly dignified, confident and impeccably groomed executive reduced to collecting trash, and he showed no surprise when he heard the strange story.

“Listen, buddy, what did you expect? After all, you DID ask for the STRIPPED DOWN EXECUTIVE MODEL….”

Submitted by: nght
Category: Essays and Articles
Current Rating: 4.8571
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious