Types of Chain Mail

Type 1

Hi, this chain letter was started in the Stone Age which is pretty ridiculous considering email was not yet invented but ignore that, OK. It works like this: pass it on to every person you have an email address for and nothing bad will happen to you!

Often when people don't send this on they are blessed with incredible misfortune!

Example 1

Joe Schmoe was walking out of his house when he fell into a pothole and could not get out. A garbage truck came down the street thirty seconds later and needless to say he way killed and smelled so bad that they could not even have an open casket funeral without driving away the mourners! This would never have happened if he had just sent on the letter.

Example 2

Sally Ann Lynn received this letter and ignored it because she did not think it was serious! Later she went to a party had a little too much to drink and was being taken home by her boyfriend who stayed sober! They were driving when they got lost in a neighborhood they have never been before. They were never heard from again! Many people believe they were transported to an alternate evil universe and cannot find their way home! Don't let this happen to you!

Remember you could end up like Joe or Sally Ann. To prevent this forward it on to five hundred people and everything will be fine!

Type 2

I wrote this poem and I want everyone one in the world to see it so send it to everyone you know or you'll be sorry!


Friends are always there when you need them.

Friends get you through the tough times.

Friends are not people that send on stupid chain letters like this one to other people!

Now if you don't send on my dumb poem to all your friends, you will go into a coma reliving your worst nightmare during every second for the rest of your life until you die and then you will be sent directly to Satan himself!

Type 3

I am dying of some rare and deadly disease that only effects me but otherwise is nonexistent. I am a quadriplegic dwarf who is asking for your help. You don't need to send me money because the Foundation of Relief Against Unknown Diseases (or FRAUD) has decided to donate two cents for every email forwarded, which by the way, they have know way of knowing or tracking how many this actually is, but this is still true. So please reach out, even though I'm a thirteen year old kid who is making this up because I have nothing better to do. Send this to five people within two minutes and I will miraculously be saved. Oh by the way, if you send it to four or less you will be struck down by a bolt of lightning within minutes of reading this email. Thanks!

(If anyone can prove, not just assert, that people actually do benefit from this type of email we will consider taking it down. To prove that this does help people in need you must show that organizations both can measure the number of forwards, and give evidence that donations are made as a result of these forwards! Until such a time it will remain listed as evil chain mail!)

Type 4

Now I don't think you would normally read this, but I put something funny in front to trick you into reading it and then I will hit you with the stupid chain stuff at the end!

The Drinkers Alphabet

A- Alcohol: The key to surviving college B- Beer: Its what's for dinner C- Class: Its what you're supposed to get up for after a long night of drinking .... W- Worm: That thing in a bottle of tequila you drank that reminds you of the porcelain god. X- X-Ray: How they see into your stomach before they pump it Y- Yourself: The one who drinks way too much every weekend Z- Zima Zomething Different

Congratulations, you have just received an awesome email, so cool you must send it on to as many people as you know! If you send this to no one, you will end up in a horrible accident that leaves you disfigured and you will be alone for the rest of your life! But send this to your friends and good luck will result.

Send to 1 person- maybe someone will dance with you! (You have pissed off 1 person)

Send to 2 people- maybe you'll be asked to dance by your crush! (You've pissed off 2 people)

Send to 3 people- you'll definitely be asked to dance by your crush! (You've pissed off 3 people)

Send to 15 people- you'll be kissed by your crush (You've pissed off 15 people)

Send to all of your friends and can you say sex? (Can you say no one wants to talk to you?)

Do you want love or to be disfigured with a broken heart? Send this letter on. Even though if you send this letter on you will piss off people and receive nothing for your effort. (What a deal!)

Type 5

Hi, I am Bill Gates (I could not possibly be someone making this up as a joke) and Microsoft is testing a new type of software that measures the number of times an email is forwarded. Each person who sends this email will receive a free copy of Windows 98. Even though we could have tested this with a regular piece of chain mail, I'd rather give away my company's money than think of that (this type of logic is how I made my millions). So go on and send it and you will receive your copy of Windows 98 sometime in the year 2978. Oh and never mind that the first address is from a member of America Online and not Microsoft...I told them to send it!

Submitted by: goat
Category: Essays and Articles
Current Rating: 2.0000
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious