Subtly sexual, 1996, U.S. policy on child-bearing

The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means of the wife becoming a mother.

There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding anniversary.

Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.

He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:

Lady: Oh, Good Morning.

Man: How do you do? You probably don't know me, but I represent----

Lady: You needn't explain, Mr.----

Man: Jones is the name, Madame, and I make a specialty of----

Lady: Yes, of course, I know. It's all right. Won't you come in?

Man: Your husband probably told you that----

Lady: Oh, yes, and we both agreed that it is the best thing to do.

Man: Well, in that case I might as well get busy.

Lady: I'm not too familiar with the way you do this. Just where do we start?

Man: Just leave it to me, Madame. I recommend two in the bathtub, one or two more on the couch, and a couple on the floor.

Lady: Bathtub? Couch? Floor? Good heavens.

Man: Well, my dear lady, even the best of us can't get a good one every time, but out of six, one is bound to be a honey. I usually have the best luck with the bathtub shots.

Lady: You'll have to forgive me, but it does seem a little informal.

Man: The charm of the whole thing is the informality. Perhaps you would like to see some of my work?

Lady: Well, I suppose so ----, after all, there is no hurry, is there?

Man: No, indeed, a man in my line can't do his best work in a hurry. (He opens his album and shows her.) Look at this baby. It's a good job. Took four hours, but isn't it a beauty?

Lady: Yes, indeed a lovely child.

Man: But for a tough assignment, look at this job. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus on Fifth Avenue.

Lady: My God.

Man: Well, there a little story behind that. The mother of the child was a movie actress in need of a little publicity, and did she get it.

Lady: I should think so.

Man: Here is the picture of the handsomest of twins in town. I knocked that out in Central Park on a snowy afternoon last winter. It took me from two in the afternoon 'til five. I never worked under more difficult conditions, with people four or five deep, crowding to take a look.

Lady: Four or five deep?

Man: Yes people everywhere. Just imagine working more than three hours under handicaps like that. I even had two cops helping me. I could have gotten anther quick shot or two before dark, but by that time the squirrels were nibbling on my equipment and I had to give up. Well, Madame, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod and we'll get started.

Lady: Your tripod?

Man: Yes, I always use a tripod to rest my equipment on, as it's too heavy for me to hold for any length of time, and - Good heavens, she fainted.........

Submitted by: anon
Category: Essays and Articles
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