The Ants Tale (A modern Aesops Fable)

The Ant's Tale, a modern Aesop's Fable


CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
cold.

THE END



THE NEW LABOUR VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool,
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is
warm and well fed.

So far, so good, eh?

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in
his comfortable warm home in Hampstead with a table laden with food.

The Daily Mirror reports that its readers are stunned that in a country of such
wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites with Starving Babies Party,
the Single Lesbian One Eyed Mothers Party and the Coalition against Poverty
demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian
cultural festival special from Grimsby with breaking news, broadcasts them
singing "We Shall Overcome."

Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has got
rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
In response, Tony Blair appears at the door of 10 Downing Street dressed in
blue jeans, a string vest and wearing a red bandanna around his head.
He smiles for the cameras, but before speaking he pauses to take a sip of tea
from the “ I love George” mug in his right hand whilst patting little Leo on the
head with his left hand.
He then declares his shock and dismay at hearing of this situation and vows his
full support for the grasshopper in his struggle to seek a better life here in the UK.

He announces that he will evoke emergency powers to rush through a draft
of the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act,
which will be retroactive to the beginning of the summer when the Grasshopper
first arrived here from Calais

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire
grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and his newly
imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council. The
ant moves to France, and starts a successful AgriBiz company [funded by the
EU] (although within weeks, his business is threatened with compulsory
purchase by the state unless he marries a French ant).

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the
ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. Inadequate government funding is
blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will
cost £10 million and will be composed entirely of Women from Ethnic minority
or socially disadvantaged backgrounds. They recommend that the Government provide £7.5 billion to refurbish homes in areas where mostly grasshoppers live.
The Chancellor, Gordon Brown agrees and says he will raise the money by taxing the rich ants as this is the only fair way of redistributing wealth and bringing equality to all.

Unfortunately this comes too late for the grasshopper who is soon dead of a drug overdose; the Guardian blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequality. The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana growing operation and terrorize the community with guns and baseball bats.
The rest of the worker ants in the country carry on as before, too scared to make any comment about the way they are overburdened and exploited by the state incase the PC Police come and spray them with DDT.

THE END

Submitted by: firewireal
Category: Essays and Articles
Current Rating: 4.8571
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious