Real answers given on various chat & quiz shows

THE WEAKEST LINK, BBC1/BBC2
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels -- travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were Written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET, BBC1
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known By the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC RADIO BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that,I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

FAMILY FORTUNES, ITV
Les Dennis: Name something sold by gypsies.
Contestant: Bananas.

THE AFTERNOON PROGRAMME QUIZ, ABC 774
Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin?
Contestant: Oh God, I didn't even know he was dead.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: The leader of the orchestra plays which musical instrument?
Contestant: The baton.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Expresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

Wright: What was the animal referred to in Val Doonican's song Paddy McGinty's...??
Contestant: I don't know.
Wright: It begins with a "G".
Contestant: Cow.

THIS MORNING, ITV
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show The Sopranos is about opera -- true or false?
Contestant: Er -- true.
Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show, so I'll give you that.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four.

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

ALLEGEDLY REAL ANSWERS GIVEN TO LARRY GOGAN ON THE JUST A MINUTE QUIZ ON 2FM:
1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword
2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the Capital of France? F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name ? Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? Jock
9) Some famous brothers ? Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race ? The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath ? Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach ? A deckchair
14) A famous Royal ? Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with wings

Submitted by: zwingo
Category: Essays and Articles
Current Rating: 4.0000
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious
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