How to shower like a Man/Woman

  • Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.
  • Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
  • Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.
  • Get in shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
  • Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
  • Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
  • Condition hair Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural Crocus oil leave on hair for 15 minutes.
  • Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
  • Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
  • Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it’s all come off.
  • Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini areas but decide to get it waxed instead.
  • Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
  • Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray all mould spots with Tilex.
  • Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country.
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
  • Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nail file/tweezers (if you can find them).
  • Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
  • If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and rush to bedroom to spend hour getting half dressed.
  • Take off cloths while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
  • Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while saying “WAYHEY”.
  • Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.
  • Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.
  • Get in shower.
  • Don’t bother to look for wash cloth? Don’t need one.
  • Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh at how loud farts sound in shower.
  • Wash bollocks and surrounding area. Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.
  • Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
  • Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
  • Piss in shower. Rinse off and get out of shower.
  • Fail to notice water on floor because of shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.
  • Partially dry off.
  • Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.
  • Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
  • Leave bathroom with light and fan on.
  • Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
  • If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go “YEAH BABY” and thrust pelvis at her.
  • Put on yesterdays clothes
Submitted by: calorman
Category: Lists
Current Rating: 4.6667
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious