How to shower like a Man/Woman

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.
Get in shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural Crocus oil leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it’s all come off.
Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini areas but decide to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray all mould spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nail file/tweezers (if you can find them).
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and rush to bedroom to spend hour getting half dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off cloths while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while saying “WAYHEY”.
Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.
Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.
Get in shower.
Don’t bother to look for wash cloth? Don’t need one.
Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh at how loud farts sound in shower.
Wash bollocks and surrounding area. Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.
Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
Piss in shower. Rinse off and get out of shower.
Fail to notice water on floor because of shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.
Partially dry off.
Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
Leave bathroom with light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go “YEAH BABY” and thrust pelvis at her.
Put on yesterdays clothes