Holy Cow guide to corporations

Traditional Capitalism.
You have two cows. One you sell and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Venture Capitalism.
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all your four cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transfered via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. The public buys your bull.

An American Corporation.

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A French Corporation.
You have two cows. You go on strike because you wanted three cows.

A Japanese Corporation.
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A German Corporation.
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

A British Corporation.
You have two cows. Both are mad.

An Italian Corporation.
You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation.
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You open another bottle of Vodka.

A Hindu Corporation.
You have two cows. You worship them.

A Chinese Corporation.
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

An Israeli Corporation.
So, these are Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people

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