The REAL meaning of Personal Ads

DECIPHERING PERSONAL ADS

WOMEN'S ADS

  • 40-ish.................... 49
  • Adventurer.................Slept with all your friends
  • Average looking...............Has a face like a basset hound
  • Beautiful................... Pathological liar
  • Contagious Smile.............Does a lot of Ecstasy
  • Emotionally Secure..........Medicated
  • Feminist....................Fat ballbuster
  • Free spirit.................Junkie
  • Friendship first............Trying to live down reputation as a slut
  • Fun..........................Annoying
  • Gentle......................Comatose
  • Good Listener..............Borderline Autistic
  • New-Age.....................All body hair, all the time
  • Open-minded...............Desperate
  • Outgoing..................Loud and Embarrassing
  • Passionate................Sloppy drunk
  • Poet......................Depressive Schizophrenic
  • Professional..............Certified Bitch
  • Redhead...................Bad dye-job
  • Reubenesque...............Grossly Fat
  • Romantic.....................Looks better by candle light
  • Social.....................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
  • Voluptuous..................Very Fat Weight proportion w/height.
  • Fat..........................As tall as you are wide
  • Wants Soulmate...............Stalker
  • Young at heart.............Old bat

MEN'S ADS

  • 40-ish.................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
  • Athletic.................... Watches a lot of NASCAR
  • Average looking........... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
  • Educated.................. Will patronize the hell out of you
  • Free Spirit................ Will sleep with your sister
  • Friendship first............ As long as friendship involves nookie
  • Fun.......................Good with a remote and a six pack
  • Good looking.............. Arrogant
  • Very good looking........... Dumb as a board
  • Honest...................... Pathological Liar
  • Huggable..................... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
  • Likes to cuddle............ Insecure mama's boy
  • Mature..................... Older than your father
  • Physically fit............ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
  • Poet......................Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
  • Sensitive................. Cries at chick flicks
  • Very sensitive.............. Gay
  • Spiritual.................. Got laid in a cemetery once
  • Stable...................... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
  • Thoughtful.................. Says "Excuse me" when he farts
Submitted by: goat
Category: Lists
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