Council Complaints

These are 'genuine clips' from council complaint letters:

  • My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
  • He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
  • It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
  • I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
  • I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
  • And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
  • I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
  • My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
  • I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
  • Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
  • I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
  • 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
  • I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
  • The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
  • Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
  • Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
  • I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
  • The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
  • Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
  • I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
  • Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
  • I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
  • This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
Submitted by: calorman
Category: Lists
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Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious