Your starship captain might be...

[Forwarded by my friend Rick; original author unknown.]

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...

  • your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
  • he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
  • you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
  • he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
  • he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
  • he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
  • he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
  • he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
  • he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
  • he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
  • he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
  • he says, "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
  • he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
  • he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
  • he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
  • he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
  • he paints the starship John Deere green
  • he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
  • he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
  • his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
  • he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
  • his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
  • he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
  • his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
  • he sets phaser to "Cajun"

Submitted by: goat
Category: Lists
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