Marital Correspondence

To my dear wife,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

44 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too early
15 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
3 times "the neighbors will hear us"
22 times you had a headache
7 times you had a sunburn
9 times your "mother will hear us"
37 times you weren't in the mood
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you said you had to get up early
16 times you promised "tomorrow"

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I had finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

To my dear husband,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got it in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper


Submitted by: lucy
Category: Love and marriage
Current Rating: 2.0000
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious