Random Quotes 1

» Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it has stopped snowing.

» All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

» A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

» Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

» What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

» Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?

» It's amazing what you can do when your wife puts your mind to it.

» It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

» Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

» Anything not nailed down is mine. (Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down)

» Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

» Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

» A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

» Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

» Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

» Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

» Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

» Mixed emotions: Watching the school burn down when your new catcher's mitt is in your desk.

» Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

» If God intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

» Dieting: Wishful shrinking.

» Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

» Semper Ubi Sub Ubi - Always wear Underwear.

» Jesus saves - Gretzky gets the rebound and scores!

» 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

» 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

» A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

» A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

» A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

» A fool and his money are soon partying.

Submitted by: BodGer
Category: Quotes and Excerpts
Current Rating: 3.0000
Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious