Classic Quotes

"The band never actually split up - we just stopped speaking to each other and went our own separate ways."
Boy George, Radio 2

"Damien Hirst tends to use everyday objects such as a shark in formaldehyde."
Fashion Commentator, Radio 4

"Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."
Radio 1 Newsbeat

"Do you believe David Trimble will stick to his guns on decommissioning?"
Interviewer, UTV

"It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American soil."
Greg Phillips, Portsmouth News

"...fears that the balloon may be forced to ditch in the Pacific. Mr Branson, however, remains buoyant and hopes to reach America..."
Radio 4 News

"Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than one hand..."
Jack Elder, New Zealand Police Minister

"And Nakano tries to avoid being passed by his team-mate Trulli, which should in fact be quite easy, because Trulli is going more slowly than his team-mate Nakano"
Murray Walker, ITV

"A fascinating duel between 3 men..."
David Coleman, Hammer Throw, World Athletics, BBC

"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward"
Geoff Boycott, Radio 5 Live

"It has been the German Army's largest peacetime operation since World War 2"
ITN

"There are the boys, their balls between their legs"
Amanda Redington, GMTV

"Israeli troops have this morning entered the Arab township of Hebron, in search of the perpetrators of the recent suicide bomb attacks"
CNN News

"Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him"
Commentator at Spar Athletics

"Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink 'tea-cosy' hat"
Renton Laidlaw

"The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick bike, there's no advantage"
Barry Sheene

"Her legs are kept tightly together: she's giving nothing away"
Gymnastics commentator, BBC1

"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard"
Ron Atkinson

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman"
Brian Moore

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish"
Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored"
Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball"
Terry Venison

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders"
Kevin Keegan

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"
Kevin Keegan

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"
Kevin Keegan

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind"
Ron Atkinson

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it: you can see it all over their faces"
Ron Atkinson

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders"
Ron Atkinson

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"
Ron Atkinson

"The swimmers are swimming out of their socks."
Sharron Davies, BBC

"In cycling, you can put all your money on one horse."
Stephen Roche, Eurosport

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
Barry Venison, ITV

"In life he was a living legend; in death, nothing has changed."
Live TV

"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright, ITV

"It's amazing how, in this part of the world, history has been part of its past."
David Duffy, Eurosport

"And that was played by the Lindsay String Quartet... or at least two thirds of them."
Sean Rafferty, Radio 3

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball"
Ian St John

"They (Leeds) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by one goal to nil - or even less."
Nasser Hussain, Channel 5

"So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it's about."
George Gavin, Sky Sport

"He -Brian Laudrup- wasn't just facing one defender - he was facing one at the front and one at the back as well."
TREVOR STEVEN, STV

"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
Radio 5 Live

"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals."
TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day

"...an excellent player, but he -Ian Wright- does have a black side."
GARY LINEKER, BBC

"We say 'educated left foot'... of course, there are many players with educated right foots."
RON JONES, Radio 5 Live

"That's twice now he -Terry Phelan- has got between himself and the goal."
BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live

"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live

"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live

"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."
BRUCE RIOCH, ITV

"And I suppose they -Spurs- are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway."
JOHN MOTSON, BBC

"... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied to his foot with a ball of string..."
IAN DARKE, Radio 5

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
J. Danforth Quayle

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
J. Danforth Quayle

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
Vice President Dan Quayle

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
Vice President Dan Quayle

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How TRUE that is."
Vice President Dan Quayle

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

Submitted by: goat
Category: Quotes and Excerpts
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Not funny at all 0 1 2 3 4 5 Utterly hilarious