From Dilbert...

  • Management started having meetings to plan what the new organization would look like after the upcoming layoffs. Our pointy-haired boss was invited to the first two meetings but suddenly the invitations stopped. A day before the layoff announcements he said, "I'm sure that the layoffs won't concern our division because they haven't asked me for any names yet. In fact, they don't even invite me to the meetings anymore!" (Guess who was on top of the list?)
  • My co-worker went to get her driver's license renewed at the Florida Department of Motor Vehicles.  The line was long, as always, and she took out her cell phone to make a call.  The clerk called out to her and the other people in line, "You cannot use your cell phone in here; it makes our computers run very slow!"
  • I work for a government contractor and was recently in a meeting with a bureaucrat who was explaining a new IT system.  Describing how useful it was, he claimed that it would meet our needs "99.9 times out of a thousand."
  • I was at a high school football game when an induhvidual nearby asked, "How many quarters are there in the game?"
  • My principal was interviewing a candidate for a job as guidance counselor and said, "Your references are so glowing it looks like you can walk on water." The candidate was a paraplegic in a wheelchair.
  • I worked with a woman who had a nose job. She said, "I wonder if my baby will have my new nose or my old nose?"
  • I overheard two students emerging from an "Introduction to Social Work" class. One said, "I can't stand this class. All the teacher ever talks about is her family. I hate hearing other people's problems!"
Submitted by: lucy
Category: Quotes and Excerpts
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